Awards of the Day: Friday the 13th

Player of the Day: Was going to give it to Wesley Sneijder when I went to the official Euro site to check who was MOTM. It was Sneijder, but I think something they wrote was more apt: “It was difficult for the UEFA Technical Team to pick a winner of the award”. So the “player” becomes “players” to the Oranje.

Best Should-have-been-an-assist: Florent Malouda, who took an overhead kick in the center of the pitch to set up Henry all alone, who blew a one-on-one by overchipping it. It was gorgeous, and if Henry would have finished it (as he would 99% of the time) it would be one of the memorable plays of the tournament.

Unfulfilled Request of the Day: That one, to the left. No luck for you today. And feel free to touch up your resume any time now.

Unnecessary Quote of the Day: “It’s a Dutch Oven, and the French are toast!” – Adrian Healey. To add a twist to the immortal words of Andy Gray, “Take a bow, son….you’re a jackass”. Dutch oven jokes are soooooo 5th grade. Unless he actually gave Andy Gray a Dutch oven. Then it’s awesome.

Flubbed Name of the Day: She corrected herself, but I was about to throw myself out the window after Julie Foudy called Luca Toni “Luca Tona”. Good thing Fabio Quagliarella didn’t put in a performance or something today. Would’ve been an awkward ten seconds as she fumbled her way through that one.

Question of the Day: Can we all agree that no one tunes into the ESPN pre or postgame shows unless they’re watching the game? Why didn’t they get a hot woman to commentate? Why not go all out for ratings?

Taking One For The Team, From The Team Award: Mirel Radoi, who had one of the all-time head clashes with Razvan Rat in the middle of the first half. The hit was positively flush and both men paid the price, though Radoi much more so than Rat: Radoi broke his nose and will require eye surgery.

Offside/Nonoffside Goal of the Day: And today’s winner is….Luca Toni.

In Need of a Haircut Award: Bafetimbi Gomis. It’s not so much that his hair is terrible (though certainly not my cup o’tea), it’s because when you glance at the field and he’s on the pitch, the first thing you notice, even before the ball. The head + hair duo is so fucking gigantic.

Marco Materazzi Award: Goes to the player whose international career ended against the Dutch. Today it’s another CB, Lillian Thuram. Were the coach anyone but Dumdum, he probably wouldn’t have had the chance, either.

At Home Throwing Shit At The TV Award: Philippe Mexes. Domenech may not rate him, but it’s hard to argue one of the best defenders in the world couldn’t have helped the French cause today. (Still wondering whether we can naturalize him for Italy or not.)

Matchup of the Day: Instead of a matchup, which wouldn’t be of the desired quality because pictures from today are severely lacking, might we suggest checking out the female population of Zagreb?