Lazy Headline Writers’ Euro 2008 Cheat Sheet

June 16th, 2008 | by: Daryl |

Do you write for a UK tabloid? Do you have a deadline but no headline? Fear not, we’ve got you covered.

Below is a list of all possible headline puns covering (almost) any Euro 2008 eventuality. Henrik Larsson won a dubious penalty? Franck Ribery had a great game? We have your headlines for you.

And they’re all yours to use free of charge.

FRENCH TOAST
- France exit Euro 2008

TURKEY STUFFED
- Fatih Terim’s team suffer a heavy defeat.

CZECHS BOUNCED
- Probably appearing somewhere today, as the Czech Repuiblic say goodbye to Swissaustria

DOUBLE DUTCH
- Netherlands win 2-0

IVANSCHITZ ALL OVER GERMANY
- Andreas Ivanschitz scores the winner as Austria knock Germany out of Euro 2008.

GRAND LARSONN-Y
- A blatant Henrik Larsson dive wins Sweden a penalty

MARCO’S VAN BASTARD
- Marco Van Basten discovers he has an illegitimate child

JAN GETS KOLLER-ED
- Czech Republic’s Jan Koller is caught taking performance enhancing drugs

COSMIN’S CONTRA-BAND
- Romania’s Cosmin Contra caught smuggling illegal items out of Switzerland

OVER AND KRAUT
- Germany out of Euro 2008 (look for this in The Sun)

SUPER MARIO
- Germany win Euro 2008 with a Mario Gomez hat-trick. Unlikely given the way he’s playing.

BALLACKS!!!
- Michael Ballack misses a penalty as Germany go out

CHRISTIAN FUCHS IT UP
- The Austrian midfielder’s own goal ruins Austria’s Euros.

NANI GOAT
- Portugal’s Nani headbutts an opponent

LAHM TO THE SLAUGHTER
- Poor Philip Lahm gives away a last minute penalty

PRIME RIBERY
- France’s Franck Ribery puts on a midfield masterclass

GROSSO MISCONDUCT
- Italy left back Grosso sent off

MATRIX RELOADED
- Marco Materazzi back in the Italy starting lineup

A LIKELY STOOR-Y
- Sweden’s Fredrik Stoor found to be lying

ALLBACK TO MINE
- Sweden’s Marcus Allback scores the winner in the semi-final, and invites all the Swedish players to his place for a party

PEPE LE PEW
- Portugal’s Pepe has a stinker

MEHEMT TOPALS CROATS
- Mehmet Topal scores the winner against Croatia in this Friday’s quarterfinal

POLES APART
- Big argument in Polish squad creates two warring factions

CHAVVY ALONSO
- Photo shows Spain’s Xabi Alonso wearing baseball cap, tracky bottoms and Reebok Classics. (unfamiliar with chavs? click here)

KUYT ON CAMERA
- Video evidence shows Netherland’s Dirk Kuyt abusing a linesman

WEBB OF DECEIT
- Howard Webb caught taking a bribe

DIARRA-REAH
- France’s Lassana Diarra has a particularly bad game.

—– Anymore? Drop in the comments… —–

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Comments

By Laurie | June 16th, 2008 at 8:52 am

I’m not sure that being back in Britain has been good for your brain, Daryl. You’re starting to scare me a little.

Posted from United States

By nsd | June 16th, 2008 at 8:57 am

Haha you have wayy too much time on your hands.

Classy headlines though

Posted from United States

By David Martinez | June 16th, 2008 at 9:18 am

LINZ DUSTS OFF GERMANY

Posted from United States

By ben | June 16th, 2008 at 10:02 am

BELGIAN WAFFLE

Belgium’s coach struggles to choose starting lineup… wait, no. Belgium is out of it this year. Crap. How about:

ART DECO

Deco scores a great goal to see Portugal through to the next round. That’s better.

By Rami | June 16th, 2008 at 10:27 am

Wow Daryl, well done. My favorite has to be “IVANSCHITZ ALL OVER GERMANY”

“CHRISTIAN FUCHS IT UP” is a close second.

Ben, ART DECO aint bad at all either…

Posted from United States

By Andrea | June 16th, 2008 at 10:32 am

After the Germany/Poland game “Lukas Tollski” and “Torski” weere all over the place. But I like these better.

By PortugalFan | June 16th, 2008 at 10:51 am

- Shinny Senderos
Not possible any more, though.

- Lehman Grand Prix
Lehman defends the penalty in the final Germany x France

- Magnifying Linz
Germany will need one to see the rest of the cup

- Ruud Van Whistleroy
RVN steels the ref’s whistle in the final against Portugal

- Prince of Persie

regards

Posted from Portugal

By Weston | June 16th, 2008 at 1:44 pm

curse my inability to come up w/ one involving Cassano. . .

Posted from United States

By Infectioner | June 16th, 2008 at 2:34 pm

Czech Mate!

Posted from Malaysia

By Laurie | June 16th, 2008 at 2:36 pm

Infectioner, that was mine too!

I also think there has to be somthing to do with Turkey and Swiss.

Posted from United States

By Rodge | June 16th, 2008 at 2:49 pm

Acqua di Gio – van Bronckhorst decides to take a piss on the pitch

Posted from Netherlands

By Anthony | June 16th, 2008 at 3:00 pm

Toni jumps off Del Pier-o.

Posted from United States

By Elizabeth | June 16th, 2008 at 4:13 pm

Turkish delight – perfect for their win over the Czechs!

Posted from United States

By Anthony | June 16th, 2008 at 4:24 pm

Cassano takes out France in shoot-out

Posted from United States

By Anthony | June 16th, 2008 at 4:41 pm

Whens Czech out time?

Romania sets up camp in Swiss-Austria

http://www.instantrimshot.com/

Posted from United States

By Lee | June 16th, 2008 at 6:50 pm

Petr Cech your gloves…

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Posted from United Kingdom