Sweden Needs A Better Football Team

So you’ve got Zlatan Ibrahimovic, Olof Mellberg, Freddie Ljunberg and Kim Kallstrom (we think - he plays for Svenska, right?). Some pretty good talent there. Filling in around them are some aged, serviceable players, along with the occasional spot of talent still not quite ripened (Rosenborg, Elmander…lookin’ at you). But that’s not enough to get it done on the international level, and somehow it needs to be done. Why? Because your female fans are way too hot to be making repeat group stage exits.

There’s certainly a long and worthy debate waiting to be had on which country offers up the hottest football fans, and I’d begrudgingly sacrifice myself to dig through for evidence, but Sweden is at least Top 1.5. Think about it. How often do you see unattractive Swedish football fans in Yahoo images or the like? Certainly less often thanAnd how many girls do you see used and reused, like the young lass above, for the purposes of eye candy on questionable websites (like this one here) compared to, say, Lichtenstein? (Arbitrary minuscule nonparticipant so as not to offend any of the fine fans here.) Plus, they want to take their tops off. Who’s arguing against this?

Fact is, Sweden needs to offer up a better football team. For the fans of Sweden and neutral observers who just want to, well, observe. It’s time to breed in some fantabulous talent; and if you can’t, it’s time to go look for your own Roger Guerreiroski. The Scandanavian countries take in some decent diamonds in the rough. Some of these guys must slip through the cracks of their respective national teams (Brazilian-Portuguese hybrids, I’m lookin’ at you). And for those that do start out in your system, make sure you keep ‘em.

Take, for example, the case of Andres Vasquez. Mr. Vasquez was born in Peru but came to Sweden as a child. Played for the U-19 and U-21 setup, as well as IFK Goteborg on the domestic scene. Peru is trying to call him up, but so far he’s denied their advances. Can only hope he continues to wait out a cap for Sweden, because any NT can use a guy who scores bullshit goals like this…

Combine Zlatan with rabona goals from outside the box (is Quaresma available for naturalization?) and you have a sexy football clinic in the works. Add gorgeous women? Everybody wins.

Maybe they could start poaching kids from youth hockey programs. (Hockey’s still a sport, right?) After all, great athletes are sometimes just that, great athletes. Waiting in the wings could be that one cross-sport phenomenon to partner with Zlatan and shepherd the yellow & blue to glory. Or perhaps they could just openly and shamelessly scout Brazil, whose junior varsity would’ve probably won Group A. We’re open to ideas.

Obviously no one’s complaining about the presence of the German, Turkish, Spanish and Russian ladies still watching their countries participate, but who would turn down three weeks of Swedish beauties? Or even a month in the case of the World Cup? Is that the very definition of a rhetorical question?

The Beautiful Game is simply not as beautiful as it could be. You’re letting us down, Sweden. Be champion.

[Love to once again thank the good people at euro2008girls.com for their contributions this tournament.]