The Following Men Should Have Skipped Euro 2008:

Mario Gómez
The Stuttgart striker’s 2007/8 season looked like this: played 32, scored 28. That’s what they call form. And since his February 2007 debut, Gomez already had six international notches on his belt. It was all looking good. Laurie even tipped him to take the Golden Boot (sorry Laurie!)

But all those Super Mario headlines will have to wait, because the highlight of Gomez’s tournament was sidefooting over from about four yards out.

Luca Toni
Dear oh dear. What happened? The big Italian looked the business at World Cup 2006 and formed a fearsome double act with Miroslav Klose at Bayern this past season. But something went horribly horribly wrong in Swissautria. It looked like someone had recallibrated his firing system while drunk. Terrible moustache too. Shame, because he seems like a genuinely nice guy.

Andreas Ivanschitz
Pre-Euro 2008 word on the street was that all the Austrian players were rubbish, except number 10, captain and playmaker Andreas Ivanschitz. Turns out it was the other way round. The likes of Martin Harnik, Ivica Vastic, Sebastian Prodl and Umit Korkmas all did Austria proud, while Ivanschitz did more or less nothing.

Lilian Thuram
That wasn’t really Lilian Thuram was it? That was just some rubbish pub league defender who’d stolen Thuram’s passsport and boots. The real Thuram is locked in a cupboard somewhere isn’t he? No? Oh. In that case, Lilian Thuram looked too old to be playing top level football this summer. Was genuinely sad to see a once great player look so lost on the big stage.

Marco Materazzi
See the above paragraph about Lilian Thuram? Just re-read that but replace every mention of “Thuram” with “Matrix”. And substitute the “great” in the last line for “decent”.

The whole Greece team
Bit harsh maybe, but Greece entered Euro 2008 as champions, and went home with three defeats. Was a bit depressing to see Greece repeat the “defend like mad and score on set pieces” gameplan from 2004, but good for the tournament as a whole that such tactics don’t win games anymore.

Steve McClaren
He was over there working as a pundit for BBC Five Live. He should have been at home in England knocking on every England fan’s door and offering his apologies.

Henrik Larsson
The first time Henrik Larsson came out of international retirement, he did this at Euro 2004. But this time? Nothing. Sorry Henrik, but Euro 2008 definitely looked like one tournament too many. You could at least have regrown the dreads, eh?


Patrick Vieira
Mathieu Flamini had a good season at Arsenal. Good enough for AC Milan to come calling. And yet Raymond Domenech decided he’d rather take an injured Patrick Vieira than a fit Mathieu Flamini. Which is why Raymond Domenech will soon be jobless.

Samir Nasri
This could have been Nasri’s tournament. The young Marseille (he’s still there, for now) attacking mid has the skills and has the confidence. At the very least he could have got some valuable tournament experience. But instead Raymond Domenech decided to crush the youngster’s confidence by bringing him on for 14 minutes against Italy and then subbing him off again when Eric Abidal got sent off.

Petr Cech
The Chelsea keeper was largely to blame for the Czech Republic early exit from Euro 2008, dropping a routine cross at Nihat’s feet. Hate to say it, but I think Euro 2008 was proof that the days of Cech being among the best goalkeepers in the world are gone.