UEFA to Players: Your Precious Bodily Fluids are Good to Go

Good news for Euro 2008 on the antidoping front: All of the players who were tested for banned substances from all sixteen teams have tested negative.

Director of communications William Gaillard told a media briefing that eight to 10 players from each squad had taken part in the out-of-competition testing programme and all had returned negative results.

Gaillard said full details of the programme, which for the first time included blood and urine testing, would be announced at a news conference ahead of the opening match between Switzerland and Czech Republic in Basel on Saturday.

Throughout the tournament two players from each team will be randomly selected for dope testing after every match.

This is great news for everybody who wants to see the best drug-free players in Europe on the pitch. But I’m a little confused by “which for the first time included blood and urine testing.”

If this is the first time they tested blood and urine… Well, which precious bodily fluids did they test before?

Or maybe we just don’t want to know.

And if you’re interested in all of the rules and regulations surrounding anti-doping testing for UEFA, the organization has made its official dope-testing document available for our perusal. It includes details as minute as how the players are chosen for random testing. I am reather disturbed by the fact that I found it kind of fascinating. Check out some of the rules:

7.06 For the draw, the DCO places the numbers that correspond to the shirt
numbers of all players of each team into two separate receptacles (one
envelope or bag per team). The DCO carefully checks that all player
numbers of the players listed on the match sheet are included before placing
them into the receptacles.

I love the part that says, “The DCO carefully checks that all player numbers of the players listed on the match sheet are included.” Because I’m pretty sure that if that word wasn’t there in the regs? Somebody would do it carelessly instead.

And, because I am incredibly immature, I found the most interesting part of the document to be the part on Doping Control Procedure for Urine Samples.

11.02 The player first selects a clean and previously unused urine collection beaker
for the samples.
11.03 The player then selects two clean and previously unused transparent glass
bottles (one for the A sample and the other the B sample). Each bottle will
bear the same code number.
11.04 The player urinates into the collection beaker under the strict supervision of
the DCO, who must be of the same gender as the player.
11.05 The volume of urine must be at least 75 ml (A 50 ml, B 25 ml). If the player is
unable to provide 75 ml, 60 ml (A 35 ml, B 25 ml) will suffice, unless the DCO
decides otherwise.
11.06 The player decides whether he or the DCO will pour the urine into bottles A
and B. If the player decides to do so himself, the DCO explains the
procedure to him.
11.07 A sufficient volume of urine should be left in the collection beaker to allow the
DCO to test the pH and gravity of the sample. These are then recorded on
the Doping Control form (D5).
11.08 The player and the DCO check that the bottles are in good and proper
condition. The urine sample is poured into bottles A and B and the player or
the DCO closes them tightly. The player ensures that no urine can leak out
and compares the code numbers on both bottles, the bottle caps and the
particulars on the D5 form once again.

Too much information? Sorry. I find the level of detail fascinating, and at the same time, hilarious. But then again, I’m not the one going through it.

I’m starting to understand why Olli Kahn had issues.